fear, scarcity & jealousy

In the first few episodes of this series of talks we will be looking at fear, some of the specific fears which arise in life. But to begin with, I’ll say a few general things about fear.

The first thing to note is that there are two types of fear within us. One is a very instinctive response to the moment. A lion is charging at you, adrenaline pumps through the body, and one is driven to immediate action. This rather mechanical fear is very healthy, it helps to keep us alive.

But there is another type of fear which I term psychological fear, and these psychological fears are usually detrimental to our well-being, and especially to our spiritual growth. They limit us, hold us back, and usually they offer little in return: perhaps the illusion of some security.

So some of these psychological fears we shall be looking at in the first few episodes. One other thing to note about fear before we begin is that a fear always relates to the future, never to the present moment. We are afraid of something that is going to happen, not of what is happening in this moment. So fears are part of our psychology of time. They relate to the future, and when fears are dominating our thoughts, then we will be absorbed by the future and missing the present moment. So one way to reduce the effect of fear in general is to practise some present moment awareness, and there are many techniques for that. Coming back to the present moment, our fears will lose their potency.

One other general point about fear, and that is it encompasses some other words which sound less dramatic and yet which permeate most people’s lives. Worry, worry is fear, another word for fear. Anxiety, anxiety is also another word for fear. So worries and anxieties which preoccupy many people’s lives are also forms of fear.

Having looked at these general points about fear, we can move on to talk about a more specific fear: in this case, the sense of a lack of abundance, feeling that there is a shortage of something that we rely upon. It may be a very physical thing such as water or food, or it may be something a little less essential such as people who would make a good sexual partner. It could be that jobs, work, employment, is felt to be scarce. Whichever object we are feeling to be scarce, it leads us to attach ourself to whatever is manifesting in our life at the moment, out of fear that it is irreplaceable.

So for example, I might be doing a job which I dislike intensely and yet, out of fear of not being able to find another job, I might stay in this horrible job for a long time. This does not make for a happy life. Similarly, if I fear that I will not be able to find any other sexual partner, I might stay in a relationship which is no longer healthy. These are just a couple of examples of the sort of attachment that arises when we have this feeling of scarcity, this feeling of lack of abundance. And of course, with this attachment, there comes the fear of loss. So, I may fear the loss of my sexual partner. This underlies jealousy. Jealousy is usually a fear of loss, often expressed as anger. It is a horrible emotion and yet a common one.

Whilst talking about jealousy, there is another aspect to it, especially with regard to sexual jealousy. Apart from the fear of loss, jealousy can also be indicating a need to feel special. If my sexual partner reserves his or her sexual energy just for me, then I can feel that I am somehow special, at least to this one person, I am somehow more important than anyone else, better, you could say. But of course if my partner then shares their sexual energy with others I can no longer feed my ego in that way. I am no longer special. I am no longer better than other people. So this is another aspect to jealousy, wanting to feel special, wanting to feel better. Underlying this is of course some sense of inadequacy within myself, and in later episodes we will look more at that aspect of our psychology.

Enough for now.